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| so now i am just angry beyond no return now. there is no one here at the house to listen to me and the dogs are murderers so this is my last option. Cause i know whatever i write no matter how harsh it is no one will read it. I don't know what i want anymore. I know I do not want pitty about this whole thing. I do want him back which is probably the wrong thing to say. I probably should be actling like nothing is wrong and move on with my life but that i way easyer said than done. You cant just move on with your life after something that was apart of your life for 5 months is abruptly taken away from it. But you are forced to aren't you? People say they can't quit cold turkey but everyone has done it at one point in time. Everyone has lost someone and has to move on without them. Its quiting that person cold turkey. Its one of the hardest things to do. Everyone around you makes it sound so easy. Like you can do it you just aren't try hard enough. Do you really think i want to be this way? That i want to be sitting here in the living room talking to Xanga about my problems? Hell to naw! I want to be able to think clearly. I want to be able to focus on something without his name popping into my head. I want to be able to listen to the radio without hearing my situation on the singers lips. Now doesn't that sound easy to do? NO. I don't want to feel alone. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to move on. I didn't want to move on. I didn't choose this. I am being force to forget, being forced to live without. Being forced to say goodbye. That doesn't seem fair to me. At all. I didn't want this. I didn't want this at all. How can your future be chosen for you. It sucks | | |
| So I am writing on here thinking not a whole lot of people are going to be readying this. Xanga is dead. I just need to let some stuff out! So I have a question for everyone. How many heart breaks can a heart take in one life time? How many can the heart take say in a matter of months? Well 2 is all that I know of right now. Guys act like girls are the complicated ones and we are just crazies that are difficult. WRONG! You silly stupid boys! I know what I want. I was ready to have a commited relationship. But he didn't know. He doesn't know. He isn't sure. You guys say we are the ones that are complicated? You've been thinking about thise for THREE weeks and have only said something about it NOW??? After 5 months you don't have strong feelings for me and decide to tell me that over a TEXT MESSAGE??? You don't have any balls in your pants to tell me on the phone. To actually hear my voice crack and my heart break over the phone? No you don't do you? You don't have enough guts to tell me something was wrong THREE FUCKING weeks ago? Now can one of you guys tell me what all that means? I gave him time to think about it. A day later... he spills this mess on me. Wanna know what I want? I want a guy that I can be myself around. I want someone next to me to take on this thing called life. Someone to care for me like I care for them. Someone to have fun with. I NEVER SAID FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES! never. I am not real sure if my heart will ever mend after all of this crap. Maybe it was my fault for being to vulnerable, maybe it was my fault for jumping in right after another relationship. But I don't think so. I am pretty sure it was you. I know/ knew what I wanted. you. | | |
| Wow when you go back and read what you have written a while ago its a little bit scarey to notice such a big change. Man has life taken a big turn for me. For the better of course, but it hasn't been easy! But what is easy? I am pretty sure I will have the summer of my life this coming up summer. I have a roomate now, a NICE boyfriend, and wonderful friends. I am a little bit sad about some things. But this is for the best. If not fot them, for me. I can only hope that I am stronger from what happened and a little bit wiser. Your friends have an outside look at things... TAKE THIER ADVISE!!! I love all you guys out there in Xanga world! Don't forget about it. Xanga has been good to us! Goodnight world. Sleep well. | | |
| Ok so I am alone tonight. I am house sitting for a family friend, but I am alone. Why is this a significant statement you ask? Well today March 29 2005 Waylon and I started dating. This ask you know is March 29 2007, our 2 year annerversary. I would not have remember had it not been for Waylon himself. He reminded me about a week ago. And boys if you reminder HER please do not forget that you reminded her and forget the date yourself. So I went to the chior concert (which was very very good!) and handed out programs and things expecting me to call this boy and him be ready to spend the entire evening with me. I call him and no answer. Then I remember he is at his mothers house. So I call over there and he tells me that him and his uncle are going over to his house to play pool. So I said Oh you have already eaten? And he was like yeah... Did not even get the hint. Then I say, So are you and your uncle going to play pool all night? And he says, maybe I don't know, I bought some whiskey. Yet again he isn't getting the urgent saddness in my voice. So I say quietlyk, you forgot. He said Kim quit being sad cause I am leaving tomorrow I will be back on sunday, forgot what? Then he realized and then said, will you be mad at me if I play pool? HE STILL WANTED TO PLAY POOL. He didn't even WANT to want to be with me. How can a romantic like me find someone like him. And why did I have to fall in love? These kinda things are just becoming more aparent that I might not have found the right one. Am I a weeny? Yes I can't stand this anymore. I need attention too. A one sided relationship doesn't work! I can't dote on you the entire relationship and expect nothing back. It doesn't happen that way! I don't want to be spoiled, believe it or not I like little things, a sticky note on my car saying i love you, a text message saying how is your day going? I need some inda of attention! I know i sound like a whiney baby now so I will stop. I just needed listeners! Thanks for listening! | | |
| I get used all the time and I hate it. I am not mean enough to say no. This weekend I was watching my mom's friend's dog and they said they would be here to pick him up at 2 on sunday. 230 rolls around and I get a phone call saying they didn't expect to stay so long and they will be by to pick him up at 9. I am like WHAT?!?! but what I really say is, Oh its ok no problem he is being such a doll. So 9 rolls around and I get another phone call saying they are just now leaving and they will be by to pick him up around 12. At this point I tell them I had plans and was wondering if I could drop him off at this guys house. He says yeah just leave the dog on the front porch and he will stay there till i get home. Umm if anyone knows me and animals thats a big NO NO!!! So I am like no just be here at 12 to pick up the fucking dog. Well 1am comes around and I call them and they say they are 45 minutes outside of abilene and they will be here at 2. So I fall asleep and at 230 these people are knocking on my door to get thier dog and the guy hands be a 10 dollar bill. like 10 bucks is going to make whatyou did to me any better?! AHHH I am just seseptible i guess. Cause right now i am supposed to be playing pool... NOpe i got asked to come in side and cook. The world is full of Bitches... are you one? | | |
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